


The Very Ugly Engagement Ring

by Zeckarin



Series: And they were roomates... (but there were two beds) [23]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aromantic Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aromantic Crowley (Good Omens), Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Crowley (Good Omens), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Marriage Proposal, Queerplatonic Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), The Them are too curious, What's in the BOX ?, absolutely not what you are thinking about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:27:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22690219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeckarin/pseuds/Zeckarin
Summary: The Them found a box in Aziraphale's jacket...
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale & Anathema Device, Aziraphale & Crowley & Anathema Device & Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale & Crowley & The Them (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: And they were roomates... (but there were two beds) [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1523585
Comments: 59
Kudos: 156





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hapax (hapaxnym)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hapaxnym/gifts).



> This ficlet is for hapax (hapaxnym)  
> Hope it will make you laugh !
> 
> February's ficlets #12  
> Prompt : "At some point, you're going to have to let go of that."

Crowley loved quite a lot of things about earth.

His car, obviously. Wine, definitely. Coffee. Coffee was underrated, in his opinion. Coffee was great.

And naps. Naps were good. Naps were great. He loved naps so freaking much he could just strangle anyone interrupting one of them.

Aziraphale knew that, feeling exactly the same about reading, and was always mindful of letting him sleep all his heart’s content. He understood Crowley’s view on the matter, and would never make that many noises near him during one of his afternoon nap.

 _Never_.

Frantic whispers were slowly bringing him back to consciousness. The demon didn’t like that one bit. There would be a reckoning.

“Put it back ! It’s a surprise ! What if Crowley sees it ?”

 _Oh_ ? That was interesting. Crowley resolved to keep his eyes closed a little while more.

He couldn’t strangle kids anyway.

“It’s disgusting, that’s what it is” assured Pepper’s voice. “I don’t even understand why Aziraphale would do such a thing. This is the _epitome_ of patriarchy !”

“How can this be patriarchy, Pepper ? they’re both men,” argued Wensley.

“So what ? What if they are ? It’s still patriarchy, stupid !”

“They’re not men. They’re an angel and a demon. I don’t think that counts as _men_ men...” objected Brian.

“I think it’s romantic,” said Wensley. “Anyway, it’s not our business. You should put it back, Pepper. Mister Aziraphale would be upset if you ruined the surprise. I don’t think he wants you to show this to Mister Crowley.”

“Nah, he probably waits for Valentine’s Day. It’s the day after tomorrow, I’m sure he is planning to do it then.”

Pepper let out a groan. “This is _disgusting_ ! I am so disappointed in Aziraphale ! Valentine’s Day ? VALENTINE’S DAY ? Why are you laughing, Adam ? This is serious ! We’re talking about your uncles ! You can’t let them do that !”

“They won’t do that,” provided Brian reluctantly. “I don’t think Crowley would agree. He doesn’t love Aziraphale.”

A concerto of protest erupted.

“Are you _insane_ , Brian ?”

“You are completely blind, man !”

“What ? I’m just saying ! I wouldn’t want any of you to offer me that kind of thing !”

It was getting very difficult to pretend being asleep. The kids weren’t making it easy at all.

Who was he kidding ? He wanted to open his eyes, get up and have a look at whatever these clever little buggers had found out about his angel. It seemed like a very funny one.

“What have we got here ?” purred the demon, sitting up in a smooth motion and grabbing an object in Pepper’s hands. She closed it at the last second and glared at him.

Crowley lifted his glasses to look at her in mischief.

"At some point, you're going to have to let go of that, you know ?"

He reached out, tickled her and snatched the object from her grip with a triumphant cry.

The four Them looked at him, three in terror, one in mirth.

“Give it back ! It’s not yours !” yelled Pepper in dismay, her usual bravado abandoning her.

“Oh, you’re the one to talk, kiddo. It’s not yours either, is it ? Where did you find...”

Smirking, he looked down at his hand. His eyes widened.

A square box. A little square box.

“What’s in the box ?” he murmured, because of course he had to.

“Don’t open it, please,” asked Wensley. “It would ruin the surprise.”

“Oh, I think the surprise is already ruined,” declared Adam sweetly.

Crowley opened the box.

A ring. The angel had a bloody RING hidden in his jacket !

It was the ugliest thing Crowley had ever seen. Obviously gold, with four enormous cobra snake heads joining to hold a very, very big ruby.

That thing was to rings what Mr T’s chains were to necklaces.

“Oh, this is...” murmured Crowley, awed. “This is… new.”

“I’m sorry,” mumbled Pepper. “It fell out of his jacket and… I wanted to see what it was.”

“That’s understandable. Curiosity is a good thing,” assured Crowley absently, still looking at the horror in the box.

Where on earth did the angel find that monstrosity ?

“ANTHONY J CROWLEY !” yelled a familiar voice.

Everyone startled. Including Dog.

“A… angel ?” Crowley thought of hiding the ring under a cushion, but his friend’s face said enough. He’d caught them all red handed.

“Oh… oh, but… I wanted to _surprise_ you !” wailed the angel.

“I’m surprised ! I am ! Really surprised, promise !”

Aziraphale was wriggling his hands together.

“But I wanted to do it in the restaurant ! I thought you would like it… I was so looking forward to it… and now it’s ruined. I am so sorry, my dear, I really tried. I am such a failure !”

“Oy, calm down, Aziraphale ! It’s alright ! You can still do it ! It’s very thoughtful, I am touched, you know.”

The angel’s face lit up.

“Really ? You are ? But… the surprise...”

“I’ll pretend. Don’t worry, it will be great.”

“What about the ring ? Do you like it ?”

“I _love_ it ! Where did you _find_ it ?”

“I had it commissioned. They tried to dissuade me, but I was very firm. I wanted it exactly like that. What do you think of it ?”

The demon looked down at the… thing.

“This is without contest the tackiest ring I’ve EVER seen, Aziraphale. It’s awful. It’s an insult to the eye. I’m surprised the kids didn’t get blind, to be honest.”

Pepper and Wensley gasped. Brian looked at Aziraphale worriedly. Adam chuckled.

The angel beamed. “Oh, _really_ ? I was worried it wasn’t extravagant enough.”

“It’s awful. You nailed it, angel.”

“Wait,” snapped Pepper. “You _wanted_ the ring to be ugly ?”

“Why, yes of course,” answered Aziraphale in confusion. “Where would be the interest of a nice one ?”

“But...” Wensley was frowning, trying to find some logic into this conversation. “But, you wanted to offer it to Mister Crowley, right ?”

“Yes, of course !”

“On Valentine’s Day ?” pressed Brian.

“Most assuredly. It would not be half as good any other day.”

“WHY ?” shouted the three kids altogether.

“Why ? Why what ? I do not understand,” stammered the angel.

Pepper stomped her foot.

“Why do you want to propose to Crowley with that horrible ring ?”

Crowley sniggered, closed the box and gave it back to the angel.

“Pepper, no one in their right mind would accept such an atrocious thing. It’s an offense to the eyes. Nay, to life itself.”

The angel wriggled happily.

“Oh, you say the sweetest things, Crowley ! I really wanted to do it right, you know. You’ve read so many books you weren’t interested in just so we could discuss about it, I felt awful for not giving a try at your hobbies... Do you think people will be very uncomfortable ? Maybe you could start crying and run out, leaving me alone at the table…” the angel’s eyes widened suddenly. “Oh, but you’re up ! I’ll fetch you coffee.”

The Them stared at Aziraphale’s retreating back in disbelief.

“He… _wants_ you to say no ?” asked Brian.

“Well, yes. The other alternative would be weird.” Crowley pondered, then a slow smile stretched his lips. “Forget that, it could be fun too. Appearing _very_ happy would make other couples doubt themselves ! You’re brilliant, Brian !”

The demon aimed to the kitchen, calling out.

“Angel ? Aziraphale ? We have to try in in two restaurants ! I want to see what creates the most drama ! You may have to snuggle me !”

“I will certainly _not_ !” assured the angel’s voice.

Brian nodded. “Told you. They don’t love each other.”

Adam patted Dog’s head. “Course they do, stupid. They’re not _in_ love, is all. Come on, there’s this new cave I found, it has a huge hole in it. We have to explore it.”

“I’ll get the rope !” declared Pepper, the ring instantly forgotten. “Wensley, find us some flash light.”

“We will also need food,” added the Antichrist. “In case we get stuck and nobody finds us. A bottle of water too. We could be down there for days. Maybe _years_.”


	2. The First Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a story behind that ugly ring. A story that Anathema never heard about. But the witch is a very good listener, and this very interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what happened. I intended to do a two chapters story, full of humor !  
> Instead, I wrote three hours, and it is kind of angsty... AND it needs a third chapter !  
> But the third WILL be fun, and fluffy, and full of comfort, because now it has to !

**A little over a month ago...**

Crowley had thought about Valentine’s day. He’d thought about it a lot. The Ritz was offering a special menu, after all, he’d checked online. They weren’t the only ones, restaurants all over London were competing in delicious, five courses meals, and he knew Aziraphale would love to taste that kind of extravagance.

Usually, he wouldn’t even hesitate.

But it was _Valentine’s Day_. And they had a _history_ with Valentine’s Day. An ugly one.

So he’d thought about it, and finally resolved to do something he’d always hated : Talk About The Problem.

He’d brought the subject a little after New Year, handing a tea and a cake (from the patisserie down the street) to the angel.

Aziraphale, pleasantly surprised, took the offering with a smile and a raised eyebrow.

“Thank you, Crowley. Is something the matter ?”

“Why ? can’t I bring you cake and tea for no reason ?” grumbled the demon.

“Of course, of course… that’s very considerate of you, my dear.”

Crowley stayed rooted on the spot, showing his hands in his pockets and fidgeting from one foot to another. Aziraphale, the bastard, pretended not to notice and sipped his tea, humming in delight at his favourite flavour.

“Alright !” exploded the demon, forgetting entirely his resolve to be cautious, “What about Valentine’s Day ?”

Aziraphale’s hand froze, his tea sloshing and burning his fingers without him noticing.

“Valentine’s Day ?” he repeated slowly.

Everything in Crowley was screaming to _Abort ! Abort ! Retreat immediately !_ But he couldn’t do that. They’d faced Heaven and Hell in the other’s body, they’d fought the Three Beasts. They’d stood against Hell’s Chase and survived. He was fairly sure not being able to talk about a meal at the Ritz would be cowardice at this point, after facing Death together so many times in so few months.

“Yes, that day. What are we doing ? There’s a special menu at the Ritz, but… I thought maybe… you’d rather ignore it. What do you want to do ?”

The winged mug was carefully placed on the coffee table, and Aziraphale got up from his chair, looking at him seriously.

“What do _you_ want to do, Crowley ? I _would_ like to taste the menu, but I’d rather stay here if it is uncomfortable to you to… go out.”

The demon made a face. He looked away.

“Not particularly. I mean… it’s okay now, right ?”

“It is,” answered the angel softly. Crowley looked back. They exchanged a little smile.

“Okay. Then I’m taking care of restaurants. Don’t worry, I’ll select only the best ones.”

“Restaurants ? Plural ?”

“Oh yes, three at least ! We have to make the best of the day ! Special menu, angel ! Special menu, only once a year ! Of course several restaurants !”

The angel’s smile widened.

“I am looking forward to it, then, dear boy.”

Aziraphale sat back, opening his book and turning pages after the right amount of time while his friend all but threw himself on the couch in a position no human could ever manage, except maybe some circus professionals.

He wasn’t reading, his mind replaying that fateful evening nine years ago. This was not a memory he liked. Thinking about it made his stomach twist painfully, but he had to.

Crowley was good at this. At going on, at not turning to look back. He wished he were that good, but as easy as it was for him to forget other’s mistakes, he never was able to forget his.

No, it hadn’t been a mistake. He _had_ to do this, he knew it. But his anger he regretted.

He turned another page mindlessly, his eyes falling at random on the book.

“Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.”

_Oh, Jane, you little interloper._

Aziraphale looked up, and realised Crowley was sleeping.

Squinting his eyes, he started to plan. His friend wanted to make new memories, good ones, and he couldn’t agree more with that. He had to take a part in it. And he knew exactly how.

Getting up, he aimed for the door, touching the counter lightly on his way to lay the usual spark of Grace in the wood.

_Out. Fine. Back._

After their trials, even Hell’s reluctant withdrawal in front of Adam’s ire and Heaven’s fear of God’s punishment were not guarantee enough to have them act recklessly. If one of them had to go out without noticing the other, he let a message there.

Aziraphale hailed a cab, and asked to be led to a good jeweller.

He didn’t know who this Cartier person was, but he trusted the cabdriver’s experience.

* * *

**Today**

Anathema pinched her lips to prevent a string of curse even Crowley would have found impressive and glared at her friend.

“ _THAT_ is your emergency ? You asked me to come all the way from Tadfield to help you pick an _outfit_ ?”

Aziraphale, wide eyed, nodded frantically.

“Yes ! It has to be perfect, and I don’t know a thing about modern fashion ! It all seems ridiculous to me ! Young people let anybody see their underwear ! And it’s intentional ! They let them stick out from their _trousers_ , Anathema ! It’s called _under_ wear for a reason !”

Anathema sighed heavily. She shouldn’t be annoyed, not by Aziraphale. If there was ONE person in the world she shouldn’t be angry at, it was him. But this was Valentine’s Day, for crying out loud, and she’d had Newt drive like a mad man to get here as fast as possible because the angel needed her immediately.

_Damn Aziraphale ! No, cross that._

“Let me sum up : You asked me to come here, today, to help you pick an outfit for a fake date with your fake boyfriend, so you can fake-propose to him and ruin everybody’s evening ?”

“Exactly ! I need to get into character. What are people wearing when proposing ? Do you know ?”

“I don’t know, a suit I guess ? Aziraphale, you could have asked that on the phone ! And think of the poor lovers that will witness it. You will ruin their day. You will break couples, even ! Aren’t you supposed to promote love ?”

The angel frowned. “I thought I heard you say that Valentine’s Day was pure consumerism and that you didn’t want to be part of it.”

She glared anew. “I changed my mind. Do you have a problem with that ?”

Aziraphale had a strong survival instinct, and knew better than to contradict a pregnant witch.

“Oh no ! Not at all ! And to answer your question, I _am_ promoting love. True love cannot be deterred by something so insignificant. If our little play is enough to separate two people, then they probably weren’t made for each other.”

“Aziraphale. You’re _not_ doing this for promoting love. Tell me why. Out with it.”

The angel pondered. This wasn’t a story he’d intended to share, but… talking would do him good. And it was Anathema. He could trust her with the truth.

So he did.

“It was nine years ago. You have to understand that at the time, we were working at the Dowlings residence.”

The young woman nodded. She knew that.

“We were trying to influence the Antichrist so he didn’t destroy Earth once Armageddon occurred. We exchanged informations in quiet locations. But that day, Crowley offered to go to a restaurant, and I was feeling absolutely peckish. I didn’t realise it was Valentine’s Day, but of course he had. We were having coffee when he… he dropped on his knees and _proposed_ , Anathema ! In front of everyone !”

Fuck Valentine’s Day with her lover, thought Anathema. This was much more interesting.

“Wait. Crowley proposed to you ? Nine years ago ? For real ?”

“Of course not for real ! Do not be ridiculous, dear girl. He wanted… well, I guess he wanted to do exactly what I intend to do tonight : shock a lot of people into mortification and ruin their mood. He assumed I would say no. I never lie when he plays one of his pranks. It is part of the game.”

“Alright. What happened ?”

The angel grimaced.

* * *

**Nine years ago.**

“Angel, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please tell me you feel the s-”

Aziraphale stood up so fast his chair fell to the floor. Crowley’s eyes widened as he suddenly understood something was wrong.

The angel hadn’t felt that angry in a long time. He was furious, and desperate, and _terrified_. He stared down in shock at his friend and his ridiculous ring, before turning on his heels and running out of the restaurant.

Crowley found him in the park, and sat gingerly at the other end of the bench.

“Angel ?” he asked tentatively.

Aziraphale closed his eyes, his head drooping miserably.

“Are you out of your mind, Crowley ? Why on _earth_ did you do that ?”

The demon rose his hand to reach out, stopping almost instantly.

“It was a joke, Aziraphale. You know it was a joke, right ?”

The angel huffed in exasperation. “Of course I know it ! But who else, Crowley ?”

“Whot ?”

Aziraphale turned fully to pin him under his stare, and his eyes were so blue it clearly meant he was still furious. Crowley fought an urge to flee.

“The Antichrist is on earth, Crowley. Hell and Heaven are preparing for Armageddon. There isn’t one week going by without Gabriel or one of his friends visiting me, and I know your Head Office is checking on you regularly. Please, explain to me how you would have explained that little joke of yours had a demon heard you.”

Crowley blinked, relief flooding through him. _Oh_. _That_. As always, Aziraphale was worrying about safety. That angel fretted way too much.

“Nobody _heard_ , angel. It was just for humans, t’s not a big deal, chill out,” he crooned with a confident smile.

This, it turned out, was not the good answer.

Aziraphale jumped on his feet, looking at him with an expression way too close to wrath to Crowley’s taste, and spoke in a low, menacing tone.

“ _CHILL OUT_ ? Really, Crowley ? You could have explained a meal by saying you were tempting me, but a _proposal_ ? To an _angel_ ? They would have _destroyed_ you for this ! For one of your silly games !”

“What do you mean, _silly_ ? My games are hilarious !” yelled Crowley, incensed.

“I will not be responsible for your death, Crowley ! I _won’t_ !”

And that sentence, in that tone, had Crowley calm down instantly. He knew the angel was about to turn around and walk away, as surely as he knew that the sun would rise in the morning. He had seen that face and heard that tone before, right after handing his friend a fateful scrap of paper. Aziraphale was scared. He was scared for him, and about to cut him out of his life to protect him. Well, no freaking way !

“You’re right. I’m sorry, I didn’t think. I won’t do it again, angel.”

That was the best way to defuse his friend. Aziraphale could never ignore an apology. It could have been Crowley’s favourite weapon, but he hated asking for forgiveness and had trouble enough to use it when it was truly needed.

“Alright,” said the angel. “I am sorry I ruined your joke. But it _is_ too dangerous.”

“Yeah. Okay. I heard you.”

“Promise me you won’t use that one ever again.”

Crowley thought about what Heaven would have done to Aziraphale, had Gabriel dropped by near them during his little speech, and felt a cold shiver course down his spine.

“I promise. T’was a stupid joke anyway. I’ll find better ones.”

And he had to look away, because tears always made him uncomfortable and angry at the same time when they came from the angel.

“Thank you, my dear. And… your games are not silly, you know. I apologise.”

* * *

**Today**

“Damn. Your bosses really messed you bad,” growled Anathema, fighting an urge to hug the angel tightly.

Aziraphale nodded gloomily.

“So… this is the first time you two go out on Valentine’s Day since that ?”

“Oh… well, after that, we didn’t eat together very often. It was too risky. We met on buses, and at art galleries, or concerts. I know it sounds silly and paranoid, but...”

“You were worried about Crowley.”

“I have been worried since the beginning of the arrangement. But at the opening of the bookshop, Gabriel and Sandalphon almost caught Crowley bringing me gifts, and since that, I’ve been terrified. They could have hurt him badly. Sandalphon has… particular tastes. Let’s say that torture isn’t only a Hellish thing.”

“Then why hasn’t he Fallen ?” asked Anathema angrily.

“I have no idea, but there has to be a reason. Anyway, that’s why today is a special day. It is not a happy memory, and I want to put it past us.”

“So you bought that ring to help Crowley make his joke. Because you made him promise never to try it again. Right ?”

Aziraphale nodded seriously.

“Yes, exactly.”

Anathema sighed. This was much more important than her first Valentine with Newt. Even he would agree on that.

“Alright. I’ll help. We will stage the perfect game, and these silly humans won’t know what hit them.”

The angel smiled brightly, illuminating the room and making the young witch feel good and peaceful. The baby stopped kicking her for the first time in hours, and she would have sacrificed her romantic evening just for that alone.

“Thank you _so much_ , my dear ! Oh ! We have to hurry or we will be late at the Ritz ! There are some ties in this drawer for Newt. I am afraid it is not optional.”

“What are you talking about ? Why a tie ?”

“For the Ritz, dear. He has to have one. Or a bow-tie.”

“The Ritz ?” choked the witch.

“Why yes, it is Valentine’s Day, after all, and I thought… if you have no other plans, of course… there is a table for two in your names. In the other restaurants too, but these ones are just in case you want to enjoy the show. Crowley is very entertaining when he plays a role, you know,” assured the angel anxiously, as if she wouldn’t believe him.

“Oh, I’ve seen him in action. From very close,” she reminded him. “Let me warn Newt. He’ll love that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow is Saturday, my friends ! You know what it means ? Yes, exactly, I'll catch up and write the 13th, 15th and maybe even 16th.  
> Can't wait next thuesday to be on hollidays^^  
> I plan to sleep and write, not necessarily in that order. :D


	3. Impromptu Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why ? Why are my characters always going where they're not supposed to go ?  
> I really intended to write the game, I swear !  
> So... well, I will need one more chapter. I guess it's not very surprising to my regular readers :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for pregnancy trouble. Everything ends fine, but I prefer to put the warning. Better safe than sorry.  
> Please remember happy ending is and always will be my goal^^

They were in the second restaurant. The Ritz had been perfection, and Aziraphale had enjoyed every dish with his usual delighted expression. That face had always Crowley want to smile and kill someone at the same time. It wasn’t the happiness, _that_ he could handle. It was the surprise and the guilt concealed behind it.

To be fair, the guilt was slowly starting to fade. But to his friend, food was still a forbidden pleasure after 6000 years, even if only slightly. And that was _infuriating_. Damn Gabriel. Damn fucking _Heaven_.

Now they were in the second restaurant. Crowley had chosen a good one, with excellent reviews, but nothing exceptional enough. They could make a scene here and never come back without the angel regretting the crème brûlée (Crowley had learned the hard way that a good crème brûlée was not to be taken lightly).

And now was the Big Moment. The Grand Finale. Aziraphale was standing up, and reaching into his pocket to pull out The Box. Everybody in the restaurant stopped talking and looked their way like magnets. Valentine’s spirit was so thick in the air no one could have searched for a handkerchief without at least twenty expectant eyes turning their way.

How would the angel get out of _this one_ ? Not lying was kinda tricky…

But of course Aziraphale would find a way to nail it.

“Crowley, my dear… we have been together for so long I do not even want to recall a day I did not know you. You made me question my true nature and understand where I truly belong, and for that alone I should be grateful. But of course this is not the point. You are the only person to understand me completely and to accept me exactly like I am. I can not imagine sharing this with anyone else, and I have no desire to.”

Crowley was delighted. He shouldn’t have doubted his friend. The angel was very good at bending the truth without actually lying. centuries of training, after all…

The demon was so mesmerized he almost forgot he was an actor, not part of the audience.

A gasp put him back into the role.

Oh. Shit, he almost ruined it.

A quick scan of the ambiance reassured him. He didn’t ruin anything at all. His awed stupo _r_ had been misinterpreted for shock. Understandably. Aziraphale had opened the box, and the ring _was_ ugly beyond belief.

Good. Excellent. From the corner of his eye, he saw Newt’s wide eyes and Anathema’s grin. It was kinda good to have an actual audience. One who could appreciate the performance for what it was.

The angel was right, human friends weren’t that bad. Maybe he should have tried that sooner.

Aziraphale was in the middle of this speech, and damn, was it a good one !

Once again, Crowley thought how great a demon his angel would have made. He would’ve ended in Beelzebub's throne after the Fall, with that hidden ruthlessness deep inside of him. He was sure of it. Or… well, or killed in the first two hours for being too compassionate. No half measures with Aziraphale.

“… and that is why, my dear, I feel like I need at least to apologise to you. The first time you brought this up I… I was afraid, to be honest. Afraid of what it could change between us...”

_Oh yes. Death was absolutely a change._

“… and I want you to know it wasn’t against the _idea_ of it. I _l_ _iked_ the idea ! It was such a great one… that is why I wanted to… replay it tonight. With, I hope, a better outcome. I want it to _work_ , Crowley.”

Flames, the angel was so good at it ! Not even lying one second ! Crowley could feel Newton’s awe, and he shared it one hundred percent. Anathema was delighted. This was such a perfect game. The best of all his career as a demon, and he was retired !

In a few seconds, he would open and close his mouth a few times, then look down at Aziraphale painfully, then make that face, the awful one, disgust trying to pass as compassion, that had every human cringe seeing it.

That’s when he would strike the final blow. The “It’s not you, it’s me” speech. With all the variations of “I really want us to stay friends” that will have all humans in the vicinity want to gag.

Then maybe a few tears, for good measure… no, too emotional. They had to take the angel’s side. He needed to appear the bastard to really spoil the mood.

Patting his hand before leaving him alone at the table ! Oh yes ! THAT was it ! Patting his hand with contempt, Gabriel-like, with that cheery grin that never reached the eyes !

He was already taking a deep breath, ready to start his big tirade, when the angel gasped softly.

Crowley blinked. Aziraphale was still kneeling, his pose unchanged but for the slight tension in his shoulders. So slight the demon probably was the only being on Earth (and its realms) able to notice it.

“Aziraphale ? What’s wrong ?” he urged in a whisper, the game forgotten.

The angel had a glassy, faraway look, and Crowley saw the precise moment he came to his senses. Two soft, warm hands enveloped his, the ring abandonned to the floor, and the angel’s steady gaze pined him. This was _serious_.

“Crowley, don’t freak out, alright ?”

_How do you bloody want me not to freak out when you’re using_ contractions _, angel ?_

The demon nodded, his occult energy spreading wide and far. He felt nothing. It had to be an “angelic only” kinda feeling.

“What’s happening, angel ?” he demanded, dread starting to flood him. For Aziraphale to ask him NOT to freak out, it had to be something big.

_Adam ? One of the Them ?_

The angel stood up and calmly walked to the other end of the restaurant.

That’s when Crowley saw it. Anathema’s grin had transformed into a grimace, and she was curling up on herself with a muffled cry.

In an instant, the restaurant froze, leaving only the four of them moving.

Aziraphale calmly took the witch’s hand, smiling as she looked up with terrified eyes.

“Do not worry, my friend. Everything is all right.”

This was barely a miracle. The angel nudged a little Grace in the right direction, easing the witch’s breath and erasing the pain, but it was his voice, the overwhelming compassion and care he was radiating, and more than anything else, the genuine certainty in his words, that had Anathema breathe easier.

She was still grabbing his hand like a lifeline though, the over crushing Newt’s like a vice.

The angel turned to the young man.

“Newton, my dear, calm down. Nothing bad is going to happen. Even if it was an emergency, and it is _not_ , believe me, then I would not allow it. All right ?”

“ _Fuck_ !” snapped Anathema, still tense, but this time only from residual concern. “What the _fuck_ was that ?”

“These are false contractions. It is perfectly natural, if very uncomfortable.”

“Talk about _uncomfortable_ !” growled the witch with a death stare.

“Oh. I am sorry, my dear girl. I did not want to infer you were not suffering… It is just… this is not dangerous. That’s what I wanted to...”

Anathema patted his hand with an apologetic smile.

“Shut up, please. And thank you. I was terrified for a second.”

Newt finally tore his gaze from Anathema to Aziraphale.

“Are you sure ? Is she okay ? Are you _sure_ , Aziraphale ?”

“One hundred percent,” assured the angel with such confidence the young man finally sat back slowly.

Crowley hadn’t move, still staring intently at the witch.

He suddenly came back to life.

“Hospital !” he roared like a madman, making his three friends startle. “To the hospital ! NOW !”

“Now then, dear, there is no need for that...”

“You don’t _know_ that ! You don’t know a thing about human biology ! Hospital ! We’re taking her to the-”

Aziraphale grabbed a handful of demonic collar, yanking him forward and bringing them nose to nose.

“ _Crowley_ ,” he said calmly.

The demon relaxed. Violence being a common thing in Hell, this kind of gesture wasn’t aggressive to a demon. It was used as a means of communication. And at this precise moment, his friend was using the very straightforward “stop thinking right now and listen to me attentively” gesture. Strangely enough, it was a soothing one, and the angel knew it.

“Anathema is fine. I may not be an expert at human healing, but I have helped several babies to come into this world, and believe me when I say our friend is not even close to that time. We will all quietly go home to have a calm nightcap. Do you feel up to a car ride, Anathema ?”

The human smiled.

“Aziraphale, I adore you, but I would rather ride in that coffin of a car than teleport with either of you.”

“ _Coffin_ ?” spluttered Crowley as the angel let go of him and smoothed his collar.

“Anyway,” cut the witch like the demon didn’t even talk, “I have been promised three restaurants tonight, and I intend to eat in each of them ! I feel just fine. I… I _am_ fine, right ?” she added with less certainty, turning to the Aziraphale.

“You are. And if you want to pursue the evening as planned, then that is what we shall do.”

Newton looked at his partner, then at the angel, before facing Crowley.

“Well, Mister demon ? What are you waiting for ?” he asked, one eyebrow raised in challenge, his hand encompassing the frozen audience around them. “Don’t you know the show must go on ?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No prompt in this chapter because I FORGOT the last one, so I decided to punish myself by finishing this story without prompts.  
> Which means I'm very behind on my challenge.  
> Which means I have to write other ficlets today to catch up.  
> I am such a demon to myself, he he !


	4. The Last Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley has some difficulties following his plan. But the night is still young, and there is one last restaurant !  
> What could possibly go wrong ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was... unexpected, to be honnest. I was aiming for something entirely different, but I like the outcome.

Crowley looked up as his friends joined him in the little alley outside the second restaurant.

“What in Heaven happened in there? I broke your heart half an hour ago!”

Aziraphale had the good grace to blush. “I could not leave just after you. It would have been rude!” he exclaimed a little too forcefully. Crowley squinted his eyes.

“They offered you food,” he realised.

Aziraphale looked away with a little pout. “Well, I _was_ heartbroken after all. And it was so _nice_ of the Chef to try and cheer me up with a chocolate soufflé… refusing would have been nipping a good deed in the bud. As an angel of the Lord, it is my duty to-”

“How was it?” cut the demon.

“Not extraordinary,” reckoned his friend. Newt giggled.

“Thank Someone,” huffed Crowley. “Would have been tricky to come back after that. Alright, everyone ready for the Grand Finale? I’m warning you, I will say yes this time.”

“I don’t know if I can survive that,” declared Anathema, her eyes shining with mirth.

“I can’t wait,” added Newt. “Even if I find this extremely strange. Not you two,” he added as demon and angel looked at him questioningly. “You two are hilarious. Humans. Why are people proposing in public? isn’t it a little strange?”

“Oh, but it is considered romantic. A gesture for the world to be witness to,” declared the angel with the exact tone of a scientific Vulcan describing another species customs.

“It’s always great when they answer no. Couldn’t get enough. I hope every human adopts that custom in the future,” affirmed Crowley.

“I certainly won’t,” answered Newt, frowning.

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a quick _‘did you hear what I just heard?’_ glance. Anathema smiled, completely unfazed. “Why would you be the one proposing anyway?” she asked with amusement.

Yellow and blue eyes shot from her to Newt. Who scratched his head. “I didn’t say that. Just that I wouldn’t want to make it public.”

She tilted her head. “So, private would be alright?”

“It would certainly be more like us. Don’t you think? If we ever wanted to get married, of course. Which we don’t.”

“We don’t?” asked the witch, eyebrows frowning slightly. Aziraphale and Crowley took a discreet step back.

Newt blinked at his partner. “Well… you are such an independent woman. Marriage really is stuffy and old fashioned. And you and Pepper are talking a lot about patriarchy…” he rambled.

“You… thought about it a lot, it seems,” realised Anathema.

“Well… yes, of course.”

“And you came to the conclusion I didn’t want to get married, right?”

Newt blinked again. “Was I wrong?”

She brushed a non-existent fuzz from his collar. “You were.”

Aziraphale grabbed the demon’s arm tightly and shook it frantically like a mad man, not leaving the two humans from his sight.

Newt smiled and kissed Anathema’s forehead. “All right then. Before or after the baby?”

“Oh, definitely before. I _crave_ cake right now. Next week?”

“Don’t we have to publish something first? I’m almost sure we have to,” said Newt, looking thoughtfully into the distance.

She waved the concern away. “I know people. Next week it is. Come on you two, we still have a restaurant to visit,” she added to the gaping angel and demon.

Both immortal entities looked at the two humans retreating backs.

“Do you think they have a good IPA in there?” asked Newt in the distance.

“Aren’t you supposed to support me in the no alcohol business?”

“I think it’s a husband only tradition.”

“Then enjoy it while you can,” chuckled the witch.

“Sure will.”

Crowley pushed his glasses up in his hair and stared wide-eyed at the angel.

“What the _fuck_ just happened?”

Aziraphale beamed at him, his face so bright the demon put his glasses back in place firmly.

“You’re shining, silly. Stop that.”

“Oh!” exclaimed the angel, frowning in concentration. The light emanating from his skin dimmed rapidly. “Sorry about that… Oh, my dear, hurry up! We have to celebrate!”

Crowley stayed rooted on the spot, pouting forlornly.

“Wait, weren’t we supposed to celebrate _our_ engagement tonight? Anathema is ruining the game, angel! I want a refund!” he whined.

“Do not be silly. You are a romantic at heart, I am sure you are thrilled.”

“AM NOT!” lied the demon loudly, running to catch up to his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame Anathema and Newt. They just can't follow a script ! So in the end I gave up and followed them. I don't regret it, it was fun !  
> I wonder if Newt's powers are influencing me... I AM writing on a laptop after all...

**Author's Note:**

> I forgot the prompt for chapter 2 ! AGAIN !  
> You know what ? That one's on me. It doesn't count as a February's ficlet. That will teach me ^^  
> Now I owe you four in two days 😁


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